so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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