his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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