Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize