now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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