eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
God, I missed his penis.
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