He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize