It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
