Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
