We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize