They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
