Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
