Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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