Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
