So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There's always time for handjobs
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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