First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
