Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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