Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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