She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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