So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
