Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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