You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
