babies were throwing up all over the place
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
