Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think my vagina is haunted
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize