I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
