threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
