Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
