16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
