she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how do flat chested girls get laid?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
