i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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