So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Couch. On fire.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
