Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize