All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
