and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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