guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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