Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
