I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
