I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize