OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
