We won't sleep together?
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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