He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
