am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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