i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
