She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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