Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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