Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just invented taco cereal.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
