mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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