you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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