Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
