Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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