Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
