There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
