I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
