Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
