I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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