i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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