I will die if light touches me.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
do herpes really smell.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
