you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
