my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
