# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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