Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
