Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
