I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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