Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
