...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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