he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
