Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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