I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
