Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
