Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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