I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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