dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
