Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
