So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
