god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
