i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
