You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
