booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize