Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
