Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize