3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
