This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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