you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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