do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
