he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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